


On the Road Away From Home

by rufusrant



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fanart, First War with Voldemort, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, Ice Cream, M/M, Marauders, Mild Language, Motel, Post-Break Up, Post-Hogwarts, Road Trips, liminal space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 05:13:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14073636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rufusrant/pseuds/rufusrant
Summary: The Marauders go on a motel trip to celebrate their first weekend as Hogwarts graduates.All art by me





	On the Road Away From Home

It began as a simple trip to celebrate their first weekend as Hogwarts graduates, but blew up into complication quickly. They had no end destination in sight (which caused a fair bit of trouble when Peter asked to borrow his parents’ car), and Remus and Sirius still weren’t speaking to each other.

Peter drives to the Potters first thing on Friday morning for James, who had overslept and forgot to pack. Euphemia Potter makes Peter tea as they wait for James to hurry up, and it is noon when they reach the Lupins. Remus’ mother hugs them all and invites them in for lunch, but James politely declines, because they want to get to London before three.

They reach Sirius’ street at nearly four, thanks to the car running out of gas. Remus’ face goes blank and stony as they drive down the road, the occasional sharp turn and shouts of James distant and hazy, as if he was living behind a frosted window. Remus peers through the window and sees the last time he’d been here- he’d Flooed to Sirius’ flat without telling anybody, and had spent a lovely night there: laughing as they ate dinner, play fighting on the bed, Sirius waking him up in the dead of night to kiss-

 Remus lifts his hand to strike the window, but puts it back down. There are scratch marks on it regardless, as if it has been attacked with a knife.

James bolts out of the car when he spies Sirius on the steps outside his flat. Remus takes a gripping interest in the trees outside as Sirius gets in the passenger seat and sets his bag at his feet. He has a loaned sweater from James on, eyes hidden under large sunglasses. A chill runs up Remus’ back- he cannot see Sirius’ eyes, but is certain that they are staring at  _his_ reflection in the rear-view mirror. Remus turns and shoots a hard stare back before returning his gaze to the trees.

+

The engines occasionally splutter and gurgle. Peter tries to turn the radio on, but it is stuck. James fiddles with the lever and nearly opens the car door while they are on the road. It is an endless, dusty concrete road that the government had given up developing halfway, with no view or anything worth mentioning along it.

“Are we going the right way?” Remus asks, steadfastly glued to the window. There were no more trees.

Peter adjusted the controls. “Sirius has a map.”

Remus sighs. It comes out louder than intended, but Sirius pretends not to notice. He traces a finger over the map’s heavily crosshatched lines. It resembled an unravelling ball of yarn that would take forever to bundle back up. Remus very much hoped the weekend would be over soon.

“Did you take a left turn, Pete?” Sirius asks, looking up. “There’s towns on the left turn.”

“There’s no turns to take,” replies Peter, jabbing at the radio’s volume knob. “There’s been nothing but this road for ages-“

“What?” Sirius nearly sticks his nose in the map. “This road _itself_  is a turn, I-“

James leans forward when Sirius goes silent. Peter takes his hand off the radio.

“…the map’s upside down.”

Remus sighs louder, but Sirius doesn’t hear over James’ groan of death and the rock song that suddenly blares to life on the radio. Peter stops the car and slumps his head on the steering wheel in defeat. James and Sirius are shouting over a noisy guitar solo. Remus reaches over and turns it off.

“Are we even near  _anywhere?”_  cries James. “Bloody hell, Pads. I have to piss so badly right now-“

“We are  _somewhere,”_  shouts Sirius. The map crinkles in his grip and Remus cringes at the sound. “I’ll  _find_  that somewhere-“

“Maybe you’d have more luck if you lost the sunglasses,” chides Remus suddenly. “Can you even  _see?”_

Silence fills the car. Peter sits up quickly and James freezes as Sirius turns to Remus, his face pale and unreadable except for the hint of a snarl in his mouth. Remus finds his fingers gripping the back of Sirius’ seat with a surprising force.

Sirius whips off his sunglasses, and Remus flinches. A patch of faint black-blue bruises cloud under Sirius’ right eye; painfully standing out. Both his eyes are bloodshot. Something thunders in Remus’ chest.

James gasps. He grabs Sirius’ jaw to get a closer look.

“Oh Merlin, what is this! You didn’t go back!...”

 “Only for Reg. He’s gotten himself a  _tattoo,”_  Sirius snakes a finger down his wrist. “And when I told him what I thought, we had a row, and  _wow!_  They’ve taught him how to throw punches as well! Amazing!”

Remus feels himself shrinking back, mouth agape as Sirius laughs dryly. A jolt of cold dread and loss filled him. Regulus was probably only about… sixteen. It was just too soon. They would have to raise their wands to him sooner or later, and he sincerely hoped it would be never. Remus glances at Sirius again. He thinks about cupping Sirius’ face, running a gentle thumb over the bruises, and then pressing down on them hard.

+

It is sunset when civilisation appears. The road is narrower and dark grey. There are bikes and scooters parked up in the alleys between the grubby buildings. Golden neon signs advertise video shops and pubs selling cheap booze. James makes Peter stop at one of them and rushes in to use their loo.

The brightest neon sign of all stood in front of a two-storey motel, also in need of a good scrub. The cardboard placards in the parking lot announce “VACANCY”, “PETROL”, and “CHEAP ICE-CREAM”. Peter nearly snaps the stick shift speeding to the main entrance. Remus’ cheek collides with the window.

+

Their room is on the ground floor, and smells of carpet cleaner. Somebody has written their phone number across the faded fire escape plan in thick marker. The cracked wallpaper looked as if it had been painted straight onto the wall, its floral pattern wilting.

“Oops,” says James, as he drops his bag. “There’s only three beds. I should’ve checked.“

Sirius removes his sunglasses. “I’ll sleep on the floor.”

James protests, but Padfoot is already making his way to a spot under the window, circling before settling himself down.

“Sirius-“ James begins, but stops.

“At least eat something first,” says Peter, concerned. “There’s a dining place at the back and they’ve got ice-cream.”

Sirius re-emerges. “I’m not hungry.”

James scowls. “We’re having none of that. You need food.” He stares at Sirius over the top of his glasses, and in his famous McGonagall impression,  _“Dinner, or fifty points from Gryffindor!”_

For the first time throughout the trip, Sirius let out a genuine laugh. Remus keeps his gaze firmly on the bag he’s unpacking. It is a lovely sound. Remus vaguely wonders about the time he’d last heard it, and if Sirius had been laughing because of something he’d said. The thought seizes him up. Remus promptly moves all his things to the bed furthest from the window.

+

Peter is amazed when they reach the diner and its vast selection of ice-cream. Remus does everything in his power to focus his gaze on the floor tiles. James is talking to Sirius, and Sirius’ occasional laughs poke Remus in the back and leave indents.

The lead weight that’s befallen them lessens when the food arrives, but only briefly. Sirius stops smiling altogether when they get back to the room. He slumps in the spot under the window, knees drawn up to his chest, not looking at anything in particular. Remus reaches for a blanket to offer him, but his hand stops. He lies down on his own bed and turns his back to the window.

+

 _Moony,_  Sirius nudges,  _Remus._

Remus stirs. Sirius shifts slightly in his grip, fingers on Remus’ arm.

 _What is it?_ Remus yawns, running a slow hand through Sirius’ hair.  _Bad dream?_

 _No, I just- I just wanted… oh, Merlin. I love you._

Remus pulls him closer, smiling, eyes still shut.  _I love you too._

Sirius’ grasp tightens. Remus’ eyes fly open, staring into Sirius’. Sirius blinks once, and a warmth kindles in Remus’ heart.

_Kiss me-_

Remus swears loudly when he wakes up and smacks his head into the wall. Peter is looking at him quizzically from the bed next to his, remote in hand.

“You alright?”

“Yeah,” Remus groans, rubbing his temple. “You?”

“I’m okay,” says Peter, turning back to his channel-flipping. “But I’m bored. Telly here’s garbage. Nothing good on.”

“Where’s James?”

“Took Sirius for ice-cream.”

“What-what time is it?”

Peter squints at his watch. “8 AM.”

It is  _far_  too stuffy for 8 AM on Saturday. It felt like a guilty weekday backwash after bunking off from school. Remus takes his sleep shirt off and lies back down in his undershirt, soaking with sweat. The air smelled like that of the Shack’s all of a sudden- dusty and forlorn. One of them- usually him- would have a weep in there every full moon. It was hard to believe they’d finally left it behind.

Streams of light enter through the flimsy curtains, just like the last morning they’d been in the Shack- Sirius had helped him regardless, but with cold, biting hands. His arms hung limply at his sides even after Remus wrestled himself out of his grip. Sirius didn’t utter a word to Remus at all, forget about lying together in the Shack bed and everything that followed. It was as if somebody had blown out their candles. An apology builds up in Remus’ throat as pain shoots up his back and blood runs down his chin, but pushes itself back down when he sees the burning dead in Sirius’ eyes-  _he’s just as wrong as I am,_  Remus thinks.  _We_ _both_ _said things we shouldn’t have, and he said more, and he’s a fucker who only cares about his own sorry arse-_

Remus lies prostrate, sighs disappearing into the sheets. Sirius’ eyes were now the colour of smoke from extinguished candles.

+

James returns with a seemingly happier Sirius- he’d had ice-cream for breakfast, after all- but his movements sport the same heaviness, and he laughs a little too loudly when he watches a trashy soap opera with Peter.

+

The room becomes smaller the afternoon, dry walls pushing Remus’ ribs as he tries to get comfortable sitting up. The telly and lights are off, everything left dark except for the midday glow through the window.

The silence surprises Remus for a second. Where were James, Sirius and Peter? Getting ice-cream again? Remus wished they’d bring him some. He’d tangled himself in a blanket, despite the stuffiness.

Peter is huddled in a ball on his, asleep. James’ bed is unmade and empty. The bathroom light is on, occasionally flickering. Sirius is nowhere in sight. Remus decides to look for James.

James is in the car outside, propped up on the dashboard. He opens the car door for Remus and beckons him in. A rock band is playing on the radio. They sit listening for a while before James lets out a sigh.

“Shame about Regulus,” says James, his head down. “He wasn’t a bad kid.”

Remus’ head snaps up, and he remembers. He nods at James.

“He walked in on me and Lily in the corridor last year,” James chuckles. “But he was a sport really. Told us to knock it off because Filch was coming.”

Remus snorts. “Thank Merlin for that, then.”

James turns the radio down, and looks squarely at Remus.

“Sirius isn’t taking it so well.”

“I can tell.”

“I know what happened between you both-“

“Really,” says Remus, monotonously. “That’s great.”

James moves closer.

“Sirius sat in the bath for almost two hours.”

“Well, he does like to soak-“

“He was in his clothes. The water wasn’t on.”

“…Oh.”

“I tried getting him out,” James’ tone quickens. “He wouldn’t look at me.”

Remus snorts louder. “Same here. Your point is?”

 _“Help him,”_  Desperation crawls into James. His head is in his hands. “Help  _me,_  I don’t know- There’s _you_ , and added with _Regulus-_  I don’t know; I’m… scared.”

James exhales deeply. The band on the radio finishes playing.

+

 Sirius emerges from the bathroom just as James and Remus return. He mutters something incomprehensible when he sees them and stalks off to James’ bed. Peter is still sound asleep.

Remus takes one glance at Sirius and promptly leaves the room again. He can hear a yelp from James, but stays outside, back to the door. There is whispering in the room, followed by Sirius shouting, and James shouting back. Peter trying to make himself heard. Then silence. He steps to the side as the door swings open.

“We’re going to get food,” James announces calmly, as if he hadn’t been screaming just a moment earlier. “More of it, so we’ll have extra in case  _somebody_  decides to tip his tea down the loo again.”

James shakes his head, then turns to Remus.

“Stay here? We’ll bring you your tea, too.”

+

Remus doesn’t enter the room. His legs back up against the wall, staring at the road beyond. No cars pass by, and the floorboards under him continue to heat up. James and Peter are gone longer than usual. Remus takes a deep breath. In a burst of impatience, he turns around and opens the door.

Sirius is sulking on James’ bed, lying on his stomach, legs up behind him. His sleeve slips down, leaving one pale, bare shoulder. He fiddles with the telly remote in his hand, as if it were a grieving annoyance.

A hitch in Remus’ breath. Sirius turns his head, and their eyes meet.

Remus throws the door shut and backs up against it. His heartbeat is wild.

+

Sirius doesn’t speak a word when James and Peter come back and watch him eat. His sleeve keeps slipping down, despite James’ constant attempts to pull it back up. Remus glances at Sirius’ bare shoulder again, eyes narrowed.

+

When everybody else turned in, Remus snuck off to get ice-cream and ended up cleaning out the diner’s chocolate tub. Summer nights always tried to melt his skin.

It was remarkable how dark and sultry everything was outside the diner. There seemed to be no stars in the sky. Everything was lit up with either neon or sparks from cigarettes.

The bright vending machine at the end of the walkway flickers. Remus stares at it for a while, feeling as if he’s been displaced. He presses a hand to its glass display, as a greeting of some sort, perhaps for seeing one after seven years.

Someone moves out of their room door and paces towards him. Remus takes a sip of the soda he’s bought, and nearly spits it out when Sirius walks into view. His eyes widen for a split second when he sees Remus, and drop back to his feet.

“What- why’re you up?”

Remus is briefly stunned. Sirius is actually speaking to him.

“Uh, ice-cream,” says Remus. He takes another sip, but can’t seem to swallow. “You?”

“Can’t sleep.” Sirius’ gaze falls on the vending machine. Remus shakes his can at him.

“Want one?”

“What’s that?”

“Soda,” replies Remus, putting coins in the slot. “And it’s cold, so…”

“You don’t have to-“

Remus thrusts a can of soda at Sirius. “Here. Drink up.”

Sirius stares at Remus, then at the can. He takes it and pops it open. Remus looks away, downing the rest of his soda to drown out the sudden noise of his heart. The air seemed to have taken on a tensing pulse that shook the floorboards beneath him.

Sirius takes a short sip. Remus finishes his and crushes the can.

“Remus.”

Remus nearly trips on himself. Sirius is biting his lip. Remus cannot see his eyes- not clearly at least; in the dim glow of vending machine lights- but something is different. Sirius stares at him still, but it is somehow lighter. Like smoke, clearing at last.

“What is it?”

Sirius blinks. The vending machine flickers again.

“I… just, nothing,” Sirius’ tone is quick. “Nothing.”

The crushed can feels heavy in Remus’ hand. “Oh.”

Sirius takes a step backwards, towards the room. “Go to sleep soon, yeah? And thanks. For the soda.“

“Don’t mention it.”

Silence resumes. The room door opens and shuts with a soft click. Remus stays, staring at the dark outline of the door. A faint rustling wind blows as Remus chucks his crushed can under the vending machine.

+

Remus doesn’t sleep a wink on Sunday morning- it felt like an act that he was trying too hard at. His eyes fly open, glaring at the ceiling. The dawn turns it pale golden orange. It was as if the motel was catching on fire very slowly.

A low sniffling cuts through Peter’s snoring. Remus shifts himself and sees Sirius, lovely mouth slightly open, staring blankly at the telly. His legs splay out in front of him, head resting uncomfortably on the window frame.

Under normal circumstances, Sirius simply looked drunk and pissed like this. But everything had stopped being normal the moment they had left Hogwarts.

 _No,_  thinks Remus,  _Before that._

 _Everything had stopped being normal after they had split._

Remus gazes at Sirius from his bed, and sighs.

+

“Do you have enough for petrol?” asks James, from where he’s lying down.

“Yeah,” replies Peter, tucking his wallet under his pillow. “We’ll be good to go tomorrow.”

“Home? Already?” James pouts. “We’ve barely done anything!”

 “We don’t have to go home,” Remus chuckles. “But I’d like to. Who knows  _when_  we’ll get to be home again?”

James and Peter stare at him.

“Yeah,” James smiles a little sadly as he sits up. “Dumbledore wrote to you too, right?”

Remus nods. “It’s really happening. Sometimes I don’t want to believe it.”

Peter buries his face in the pillow. “I wish we’d never left.”

“Same,” says Sirius, still in his spot under the window, looking at his feet.

+

Sunday passes in the blink of an eye. Remus wakes up from his nap in the evening, grogged out of his mind. He is alone- James and Peter are nowhere to be seen. The room is fully dark, except for the bathroom light. Remus yawns as he knocks on the door.

“Fuck off!” yells Sirius. Remus jumps a bit, and rolls his eyes.

“It’s me!” he yells back. “I need to use it-“

Remus jiggles the door handle. It is locked.

 “I said fuck off!”

“Why?” Remus’ voice goes higher in amusement. “Are you wanking?”

 “No!”

 “Then open up! I have to piss!”

 “Piss somewhere else!”

 Remus fetches his wand. “Alohomora!”

 The door swings open. Sirius backs up into the bathtub rim, trying to make his stare dagger sharp, but his eyes are as light as they had been last night, glazing over with a shiny film of tears. _So be it,_ Remus thinks, glaring at him as he marches in and shuts the door.

 “Prongs put you up to this, didn’t he?” shouts Sirius. Remus realises that Sirius is _still_ in James’ sweater. The sleeves he’d rolled up were grimy and left red marks on his elbows. He softens at the sight.

 “How fucking long have you been wearing that? Did you even _bring_ any other clothes?“

 Sirius turns away angrily. “What do you care?”

 “Well-“

 “You needed to piss, didn’t you? Go ahead then!” 

 Sirius’ voice breaks. A tear falls, followed by another. Remus gasps as Sirius drops to his knees in the tub and presses his palms over his face. It is new, and it sends a chill through him.

 “Sirius-“

 “I’ve ruined this whole thing, haven’t I?”

 Remus reaches for him gingerly. “Ruined?”

“By being such a lousy _dope,_ ” he grumbles, rubbing his face fiercely. “First I get into a blow-up with _you,_ and if that wasn’t bad enough, my _brother_ becomes a Death Eater. I’m worrying Prongs sick. How could I let that all happen?...”

Remus’ arms freeze for a second. Then he takes one of Sirius’ hands.

“What happened to Regulus wasn’t your fault,” he says firmly, trying to stay composed. “It was out of your control-”

Sirius sniffs. More tears fall. His hand is limp in Remus’.

“You still protected him.” Remus’ hand brushes over Sirius’ wet cheek. “It’s not your fault. That’s the right thing.”

“I only ever did _one_ right thing,” Sirius’ voice shakes. “To have you be with me. It _is_ my fault that it’s all gone to muck. I’m so sorry…”

Sirius looks away, blinking furiously. Remus does as well, but his tears fall and a small gasping wail escapes him. Sirius trembles when Remus’ arms embrace and help him out of the tub.

“I’m sorry too,” says Remus, properly weeping now, as he burrows his nose at the top of Sirius’ head. “I should’ve known better than to do what I did. And said… I’m so sorry.”

Remus’ chest feels light when Sirius reaches up for him. He holds Sirius tightly, rejoicing at the feel of him in his arms. In that moment, Remus is the safest person in the world again.

“Don’t go weepy on me, Moony,” says Sirius, nuzzling into Remus’ shoulder. “I’ll never forgive myself if I make you cry.”

“Look who’s talking,” retorts Remus, sniffling once.

Sirius snorts weakly. “Okay, okay. But I mean it- I’m sorry I said so many nasty things to you.” 

A beat. Sirius holds Remus closer. “I hate fighting, I… I’m so sorry. My mouth is _bloody_ horrid.”

“…I like your mouth.”

Another snort, with a note of self-deprecation. Sirius’ eyes are red and half-lidded. Remus traces Sirius’ fading bruises, heart warm with the urge to kiss it better.

“I deserve that,” Sirius says quickly. “I raised my wand when I was screaming at Reg. It scared him, so he just went at me.”

Remus blinks his own tears away, half in exasperation. He kisses Sirius very quickly, drawing away just as their lips touch. He is almost frightened by the gasp of surprise Sirius makes.

“Shit, sorry, I-“

Remus doesn’t get the chance to finish. Sirius’ arms go around his neck, and their lips meet. Tears spill once more as Sirius’ body curves into his desperately, mixing as they drip onto the floor. 

“I missed you,” Sirius whispers, between kisses. “I couldn’t live. I swear my heart stopped.” 

Remus bends till his head is level with Sirius’ chest, and there it is: a slow, beautiful thumping. He felt another surge of tears. It was the rhythm of a love song that was only meant for them.

“It’s beating again,” Remus whispers back. “It’s lovely.”

Sirius smiles when he kisses Remus again. They close their eyes and they are fourteen again, lying together in the Shack bed, Sirius holding Remus’ arm, Remus’ hand in Sirius’ hair. They share a kiss, one that surprises them both with a lovely affection that lingers in all the others to come. A new normalcy comes into place.

Sirius pouts when Remus pulls away, unable to open his eyes.

“ _Nooo,_ Moony-“ 

“I really _do_ have to piss now.”

Sirius laughs.

+ 

“Remus!”

“Hey, Pete. James.”

Remus smiles at the both of them, his fingers entwined with that of a sleeping Sirius in his bed. James glances at Sirius and sighs contentedly. He turns back to Remus.

“We brought you dinner.”

“Thanks,” Remus smiles as Sirius cuddles up to him. “Is there ice-cream too?” 

+ 

Sirius sleeps through the night with Remus’ lips against his forehead. Sirius wakes him up by kissing his chin, muttering something along the lines of love. They do not wake James and Peter when morning comes.  Sirius caresses Remus’ cheek, nearly weeping. 

+ 

James nearly opens the car door again during the ride home. Sirius and Remus laugh at him, while Peter screeches. Sirius insists on keeping the radio tuned to a station that is playing the Rolling Stones, and sings along to every song instead of focusing on the map. Nobody reminds him to- they are too happy, too relieved.

Remus leans into Sirius’ shoulder. Sirius has Remus’ clean clothes on now, sleeves still rolled up. Remus kisses Sirius’ shoulder blissfully, heart pounding with love.

Sirius’ eyes are bright when he turns to kiss him back. Remus closes his- and there are more candles now; all of them are lighting the way.

**Author's Note:**

> This is an experimental thing and I think it came out pretty decent. I had a lot of fun making this X)
> 
> Thank you for reading! :) Come and get me on [tumblr](https://rufusrant.tumblr.com) if you want!


End file.
